SISTER WISDOM

.

From The Growing Life:

“The process of baselining

involves writing down everything you don’t have to have, be, or do, to live a happy and fulfilled life (for more on this, see here). For example, I don’t have to own nice furniture (thrift store furniture works just fine) or a house, I don’t have to finish graduate school, I don’t have to be able to tell a coherent story about how I make money. If you’re serious about doing a thorough job of baselining, you’ll download this spreadsheet and write down how much money and time you’ll eliminate by doing away with existing possessions, obligations, and self-images…What I’ve found is that my dreams naturally emerge after I’ve eliminated bullsh*t assumptions about what I have to be, do, and have in order to be happy (if this doesn’t happen for you, then simply do some dreamlining after you’ve done some baselining).”

Here’s a 2 minute list of things I don’t have to be, do, or have in order to be happy:

have a new car

Let me just see if that eliminates anything from my to-do list. Hmm. Nope, not yet. I think if I’d gone on for another two minutes I might have hit some new material.

Baselining with a Vengeance

I didn’t know this was called baselining. I’ve been doing it already, because I discovered after Baby #1 and then again, with a vengeance, after Baby #2, that if I try to do it all I will go insane and take everyone with me.

It makes sense though. My sister and I were talking yesterday about this concept. She just got married after being a single Mom. She and her husband and kids are moving across the country in less than 2 weeks. She’s trying to finish up her job, pass on her responsibilities there, pack up her house, plan for and organize four people, help her kids adjust to her new husband, help her husband adjust to being a Dad, and keep herself sane. At this point, baselining is necessary for sanity. There’s just no way to do it all. There are too many options, too many possibilities for one person.

Baselining Is Better when Done Consciously

We all do this, we just don’t all realize it. We make a thousand decisions every day about what we will or will not do. If you eat a burger for lunch, you’re not eating a fish. If you go out to dinner, you’re not cooking. If you fill up the tank tonight, you’re not doing it tomorrow. If you call your best friend, you’re not calling your Mom and sister and Aunt Jeannine too, at least not tonight. If you choose to relax and take some time for yourself, you’re not giving that time to anyone else.

Baselining is a matter of survival in an environment of overwhelming options. Every Yes means a No, and the sooner we realize that and become okay with it, the better off we will be. If we don’t see that a No is a good thing, that a No frees us for a better thing, that a No eliminates mediocrity from our lives and gives us space and time for what we really care about, then we will spin away our time accomplishing lots of unimportant details, feeling guilty for not doing more, and feeling bitter for having to feel guilty while we’re wearing our tails out trying to do it all.

You know I’m right.

We really need to stop, breathe, and make some conscious decisions to salvage our lives from the beastly clutches of the DoItAll monsters. It’s just not worth it.

So ask yourself a simple question: What really matters today? What will happen if I don’t do some of these things I have obligated myself to do? Will I survive? Will other people survive? Will anyone even care?

We have a lot more freedom than we give ourselves. It’s time we start using it.

Image Credits: Make-Up Woman in Car from Artfiles.

Multi-tasking Mama from LTDChix.com.

Wonder Woman from HumungoComics.com.