SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

Victims put the blame elsewhere. Victims are passive. Victims wear chains. Victims are limited. Victims are unable to change. Victims put the power of change away from themselves. Victims are the powerless slaves of others, of moods, of circumstances. Victims submit.
Responsible people take the blame for their own failures. They assume the power of change. They are active. They are free. They can change. They make things happen. They set their own limits. They choose their own destiny. They take charge of their own thoughts, emotions, relationships, and situations. They decide.

Which one are you?

What Victimizes You?
You can be "victimized" by your past, your parents, your peers, your romantic relationships, your moods, your children, your spouse, your traditions, your emotions, your circumstances, your boss, your job, your coworkers, your religion, your culture. Most of the time we find ourselves victims because of our own refusal to take responsibility.
Responsibility is difficult and demanding. To be responsible means to be accountable for your actions and your life. It is only through taking responsibility, however, that you are able to take control of your own life.

The Empowerment Myth
Empowerment became a popular word about twenty years ago, to the great detriment of people striving to take responsibility. Empowerment sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? Think about it. To be "empowered" means that someone has given you legal, moral, or physical power, has authorized or enabled you. If someone has the power to give you authority, they also have the power to take it away. Empowerment is everything an inalienable right is not. An inalienable right (such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) is one that cannot be transferred to another. It is yours by all that is natural and absolute. Empowerment is not a real right or power; it is simply an extension on the leash around your neck. True power comes when you reach up and unclip the leash and start walking around like the dignified and responsible human being you inalienably are.

    Every time you act like a victim, you submit to empowerment (and disempowerment) and refuse to take the liberty that is yours to control your own life.

Self-Government or  Another's Government: Your Choice
When you refuse to govern yourself, someone else will step in to do the job. The plethora of laws we have is a result of our collective failure to govern ourselves. The law is instituted, with its consequences, for those who have refused to keep the law. If no one ever robbed a store, would there be a need for a law against thievery? No. It simply never happens so there is no need to prohibit it or assign consequences to it. The rise of internet use in the last fifteen years has necessitated a flood of laws governing its content and use because people have posted inappropriate content, created viruses, and stolen the identities of others. If no one had ever abused the internet, guess how many laws there would be to govern it? None.

If you feel like you have many limits on your life, perhaps it is because you have refused to set and hold your own limits. You can govern yourself or you can be governed by another, but there will always be some authority in your life setting limits and enforcing consequences. You can do it for yourself or you can submit to the will of another.

Save Yourself from a Victimized Life
Listen to yourself. Do phrases like "I couldn't help it" or "It's not my fault" or "I would have, but..." or "Well, you know me, I'm just a..." fill your conversation? Do you excuse yourself on the basis of bad hair days, bad moods, bad situations, or bad relationships? Do you think that if only your spouse/parent/child/boss would get his act together, your life would finally be okay? Do you realize that by thinking such things you give the power of controlling your life over to your hair, your mood, your situation, your relationship, or your spouse/parent/child/boss? Do you really want to hand your life away?

Start thinking outside the victim box a bit. Recognize that every decision you make is yours and yours alone. You may not be able to control others, but you can control yourself. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your response to it. You may not be able to change the world, but you can change your thoughts and habits and affect the world in a way no victim ever could.